Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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