did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
