I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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