I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
