spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
