Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize