You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
