I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
