I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
