Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
