drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize