apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
