i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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