your parents love me but you hate me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
