my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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