i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
