But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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