I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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