dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
