Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I won't apologize to a one balled man
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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