I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
