sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dear god my vagina.
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