I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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