i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
