today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
