She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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