Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
is that a dick in a sweater?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
