Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
