I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
