I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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