soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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