I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
