you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
