last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
