My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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