Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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