He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
