Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize