Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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