i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
