Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
