Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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