I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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