not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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