did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
