Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
