my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
