I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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