yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
