Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
