Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i need to put some appletini on your dick
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
