How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
