uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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