I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
