Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
our cab driver is having phone sex.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
