Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
