dude i'm inner monologue high
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
