somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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