I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
