I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
