ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
