If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
