i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
