If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I can't put those talents on a resume
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
