she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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