That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
