For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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