i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize