I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
