It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you win again, gameday.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize