Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
