he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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