I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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