based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
