I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
