I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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