i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
