hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
