It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
