nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
