Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
