I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
