My brain says no but my pants say off.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
