I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
