My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
