Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
