Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
