so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
