im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
