you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
