the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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