I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
