Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
